In general, I’m a terrible listener. But something miraculous happens when I step into a room with a patient. I pay attention. Not the kind of foot tapping, doorknob holding, thirty-second care some doctors provide, but the real, undivided kind. I love sitting in the room with patients (most of the time), really want to get to know them as human beings, and learn what makes them tick.
Sometimes, though, I’d like to call “BULLS—“. Patients, I am on to your shenanigans! As a public service and a source of humor, I thought it would be a good idea to share some (very) common misrepresentations.
- My temperature runs low.
- I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant.
- I only drink one case of beer per day.
- I quit smoking for good. Yesterday.
- I can quit any time I want.
- I was completely awake during my surgery.
- I’m allergic to every antibiotic.
- I don’t know why I’m overweight. I don’t eat very much at all.
- (Regarding a healthy diet) I know exactly what to do.
- I don’t exercise, but I am really active.
- I’ll schedule my colonoscopy soon.
- Oh, and doctor, one more thing…I accidentally spilled my Vicodin down the drain.
Rather than confront patients, I usually nod sympathetically. We doctors have neither the time nor energy to ferret out your fabrications, so TELL US THE TRUTH! We’re not the enemy! Our only mission is to help you lead healthier lives. So, here are some tips to improve communication:
- Tell the truth. We’re not going to get mad if you stopped your Zocor.
- If you don’t like a plan, tell us up front. We’ll work with you to find another way.
- We’re concerned about prescription costs too. It’s ok to ask about alternatives!
- Tell us about your bad habits. We understand…we have them too!
You comprise a full 50% of the doctor-patient relationship. Honesty and trust are paramount to its success. And if someone happens to swipe your Vicodin, you’re out of luck.
